Sarah's Session Twentysix

“Sorry, ‘sinister longboat’…”

“…and aggressive hinges”

“Could be ass water. We don’t know.”

“Charon… who was also a girl I dated in college… she was also a boatman on the river Styx…”

“I’m concerned that my Fire Sauce is stalking me…”

“Kacey, will you touch me?” “In all the wrong ways?” “I don’t care.”

“Right, so I banish it with my fists.”

“…And the king is dumb, that’s why it’s a kingdom.” “What?” “Just seeing if you were listening.”

“One, I am sickened. Two, I am sickened.” “This is the part of the evening where I pretend to not know you guys, right?”

“His tentacles are filled with hit points.”

“Human maracas!”

“I’m like, ’she’s Kiera Knightly’s cheaper, more attractive replacement.’”

“Well, when one brick loves another brick, and the one brick gets down on its knee…”

“Much like a two-channel helicopter, I only ever move forward… and spin out of control.”

“You can’t put her in two bags of holding! They’re not a Halloween costume!”

“Lots of things can breathe water. Very few of them can breathe concrete.”

“…respect evil librarians.” “Hell, yeah. ‘Ook, motherfucker.’”

“I wanna see it do a stealth-shamble.”

“I could set it on fire, but I’m not sure that would help us in any way.” “Well, it would fill the room with thick, vicious black smoke…”

“Rhinoceros, go into the tar! That was hilarious! Now on to the real plan!”

“The litch is watching us, going, ‘their solution was to… create a highway?’”

corpse has:
dagger – magic – +1 dagger
ring – magic – ring of protection +2
spell component pouch
spellbook – page 46

“It’s an undead. It could get back up!” “It’s a re-dead! It’s not going to get back up!”

“…And he’s been ice cream scooped?”

“You mean ‘reminiscent’?” “Yes. Instead of ‘reticent’.”

“You know, if I was an undead litch and someone came up and stuck a finger in me, I would be paralyzed, I’d be so surprised.”

“I offer him… accommodations in my sack.”

“I’m going to put your eye out. And I’m going to pull your brain out your eye-hole.”

“What kind of narcissist do you have to be to carry around your phylactery in your head?”

“Where has he been saving this big damage? I just thought he was a crappy guy with a bow…”

treasure from the boss:
eyeball gem – warm to the touch – overwhelming aura that matches the aura over Varnehold
grants: darkvision, trueseeing, greater scrying, planar binding (plane of Abbadon), farsight through familiar (his was a raven), other powers
from research: “The Oculous of Abbadon”, rumored to have been created by one of the 4 horsemen, has one additional power – once per year, user may manipulate the minds of a huge number of targets as long as the end goal of such is a horrible death
very evil, rumored to possess hateful intelligence of its own
must be smashed by +2 bludgeoning holy weapon wielded by a blind humanoid OR any bludgeoning weapon wielded by a blind good-aligned outsider

“It’s the Head of Vecna! Quick, cut off your own head and put it on!”

“Oh! Oh god! Why did you crit me in the face?”

Treasure:
Ancient coins – 1140 plat, 13000 gold, 103000 silver
object of art – 19.5k gold
several rings – ring of friend shield, ring of protection +2
cloak of resistance +1
gloves of swimming and climbing
three packets of dust – dust of dryness
and Zamantha’s flail – +1 cold iron magical beast bane magical flail
spellbooks

“I punch the king once, just to get good use out of the Stoneskin.”

room full of 42 soul jars

“I’m sorry, Your Majesty, but Stockholm syndrome? Not a good foundation for a marriage.”

And we he had a portable hole

“I’m not strapping this to the back of a pig.”

we are made honorary Nomen

the 42 citizens are sad but grateful
we get the kingdom, woot

“Well, they need protection, and a roving band of fists is a lot of protection.”

“Oh, there we go. Have the blind guy shoot the stone with a blunt arrow.”

“Aim at my voice and six inches higher. Eight. Eight inches higher.”

Plants destroyed Jotunar

“I was going to say, ‘bring out the army of lawnmowers,’ but…”

messenger from Tatzylfurd
disturbing rumors
woman bearing warnings of terrible threat
hordes of barbarians and worse to west beyond hooktongue slough
marching on Tatzylfurd

Sarah's Session Twentysix

Kingmaker, Speerspitze sandrayln2