Sarah's Session Thirtyseven

we find Irrivetti
he has an ogre mage, 6 pittaxe wardens, and 4 troll guards

“You, painting, where’s the king?”

“‘Is it the great red three-headed sharktopus?’ ‘No, it’s a two-headed blue one!’ ‘Sail on!’”

“That’s what I get for sticking a d20 in my ear.”

“How did you become Thor? Well, it’s the end of Hulk’s turn. Captain?”

“Oh, I love horses! Especially with mustard!”
“Okay, we can’t be friends any more.”

“They’re just copying us. What the heck.”

“…the fireworks will move from morally ambiguous to blatantly evil.”

“First of all, I have an owlbear shirt, so screw you all. Second of all, the horse fisting was not my fault.”

“Apparently we don’t get to be very attached to it, because something else is going to get attached to it.”

“I mean, wear armor in battle, wear a towel in the bathroom… either way, he’s getting his ass switched.”

“Can’t an ogre mage love a half-orc?”
several: “No.”

“…King Irrivetti of the touch AC is less than 21…”

“Pull up your pants and fight like a man!”
“You’re the only one that doesn’t wear pants when you’re sitting on the throne, Your Majesty.”

“They’re both wearing dresses, as far as I’m concerned.”
“Who, the half-orcs?”
“Like, pretty sundresses?”

“Well, now that I don’t have to heal him…”
“And there are no good-aligned characters left… Wait. Are you good?”
“Quick, look over there!”

“That would have just failed the spell, way to go you hippie.”

“Twenty? That’s not up to your usual par.”
“I only hit him once.”

“So… how long have you been preparing for my death?”
“Second level.”

“Just a moment. Let me finish rolling the king up.”

“Oooh, it would be interesting to make tobacco out of the king’s body.”
“…That would be jerky.”

“…a large owlbear rug lies on the floor…”
“You’re not making that up?!”

“Next, you’re going to tell me he’s got a kobold skull cane.”

“How could you kill an owlbear, you nature-loving bitch!?”

“Well, I’m sorry the king died at an inconvenient time.”

Irrivetti used to be Mandra Lucio, a street urchin

“She’s also green. What do you want?”
“Hey, Captain Kirk…”

“So where is the Briar?”
“The other side of the curtain.”
“Uh… could we have this conversation in English?”

Irrivetti has the Briar – the magic sword that’s the only thing that can kill her
He just wants to go back to hiding
he gives us Numerian technology
- Rod of Razors
- Mindbending Baton

Briar will require Awakening – right now it’s a +4 bastard sword

“Wait, which one of me was sleeping with my wife?”

“He’s going to have an important janitorial job in Feng’s monastery.”
“No, no, he’s going to have a VERY dedicated roommate. Some might even call them a warden.”

“Did you just invent a Rube Goldberg imprisonment?”

“It’s 1000 gold a pop, but I spent 2 feats on it, so you’re getting cloned again.”

“Who can use bastard swords?”
“Bastards. My children…”

Sarah's Session Thirtyseven

Kingmaker, Speerspitze sandrayln2